Spirituality, Uncategorized

In The Arms of Love

I’ve just returned from a ten day holiday in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. San Miguel is a small town in the ‘mountains’ about 4 hours by bus from Mexico City. By Canadian or South African standards, they are more like hills than mountains. The land is dry and scrubby with lots of cacti. I managed the trip on my own and stayed with my dear friend Deni who has rented a flat there for two months.

San Miguel is more of a gringo town. Wealthy retired couples from the U.S. and Canada winter down there. Many artists live there and there is always something interesting going on culturally. For example, Deni and I saw a documentary on Freda Kahlo. Her life story told through her paintings. It was moving and marvelous. In contrast, we attended the worst concert ever – a sax quartet that was out of time, out of tune and totally devoid of any musicality at all. Saw a flamenco dancer accompanied by a violinist. Shear poetry! Another highlight was a visit to La Gruta Spa where we had mineral hot spring baths and a massage. Heaven!

In the centre of town there is a large Jardine – a square where the town’s folk gather to socialize and listen to mariachi bands playing. There are beautiful homes and gardens in San Miguel but we were unable to see them because they are walled in. The cobbled streets are lined with stone walls which made me feel a bit hemmed in. The place has many restaurants and the food was delicious. We also visited Pena de Bernal, an old town that has one of three monoliths in the world – a solid rock that juts out of the earth like a mountain.

There are lots of churches. In one of them there was a statue of Mary. A mexican woman called me over and told me to place my thumbs in her palms and look into her eyes. They looked real, filled with tears of love and compassion. Now, whenever I recall her eyes, my heart opens.

By far the most magical part of the trip was my journey home. My flight got cancelled due to bad weather. We were told that we had to pick up our bags and go to AC check-in and rebook our flights home. I got lost trying. I went up to a woman in uniform and burst into tears and told her I was lost. She took me by the hand and delivered me to where I needed to be. Angel #1,

After waiting for five hours in a queue, I finally got rerouted through Cancun on a flight that left Mexico City at 6 a.m. This meant waking up at 2:00 a.m. to check in at 3 a.m

I had lost my purse, 1,500 pesos and my visa credit card the day before. A.C. policy is to not cover hotels if the flight cancellation is not their fault. I didn’t know how I was going to pay for my hotel and feed myself, but I trusted that things would work out. I explained my situation and they agreed to help me out and put me up in a hotel.
I didn’t know how I was going to pay for my meals. However, a young Dutch woman with whom I’d been chatting in the line-up offered to lend me 1000 pesos – angel #2. After standing in line for 5 hours, I began to show symptoms and a woman whose father had Parkinson’s approached me and asked if she could help in any way. She gave me her cell number and said I should call if I needed anything as she would be in Mexico City till midnight the following day – angel #3. She and everyone I contacted were so kind! I truly felt held in the arms of Love. It was a profound teaching about Love and Faith.

Blessings to all


My Journey with Parkinson’s and Lyme Disease

Here is an article I wrote for the Parkinson’s Foundation

My Journey with Parkinson’s and Lyme Disease

By Moira J Canes

Illness exists first

in the non-physical realm

of spiritual need,

emotional confusion,                                                                       

Or mental aberration.

It is never primarily physical.

The body is the reactor.

It vibrates to stress

And is an outward manifestation

Of inner turmoil.

Emmanuel’s Book, compiled by Pat Rodegast and Judith Stanton

It all started with a small twisting of my left foot back in 2009 when I was given the diagnosis of Parkinson’s Disease. Parkinson’s has been described as being both degenerative and incurable . I hope this article will inspire you and help you shift this counterproductive outlook.   I have read accounts of people who have made full recoveries. It was a complete shift in my attitude that has led to my gradual recovery which is ongoing.   I feel like a walking miracle thanks to the love, support, prayers and guidance that I’ve received from caregivers, healers, family and friends. This article is an account of my journey so far.

In thinking about writing this article I came to recognize 4 components to my healing journey.   These components cannot be separated from each other, but are interconnected. The first obviously is the physical. The second is emotional. The third is mental or psychological. The fourth and by far the most important to me is the spiritual.   It has been a journey that has been a testing and renewal of Faith.

When I was first diagnosed with Parkinson’s, I was able to continue working as usual, despite the tremours. I was seeing a homeopath/naturopath, taking pilates classes, having regular massages, going for long walks and doing bio-acoustic therapy which analyses your voice and tells you what chemicals, amino acids and nutrients are missing in the body. Using the technology, you can replace them by listening daily to sounds that replace the missing elements. I thought I was doing quite well. The big shift happened in January 2012.   The Transpersonal Therapy Centre (TTC), which I co- founded with my partner Brent, was going through a major upheaval.   I injured my back and was experiencing a lot of pain. To help me sleep I took some marijuana oil. Marijuana is a very powerful medicine plant. Its two main chemicals are THC, which is psycho-active and good for helping sleep and CBD, which is non-psycho-active, anti-psychotic and is good for relieving pain and anxiety.   Instead of calming me down and helping me sleep, the strain, or the amount I was given activated my nervous system.   My tremours went out of control and I went into high anxiety. I had a dark vision in which I felt that I had to let everything go – my practice as a therapist, teaching, facilitating groups (TTC), everything.   For 3 nights in a row I could not sleep. I also had difficulty breathing.  That’s when my GP put me on Lorazapam. Her argument was that I had to get sleep. I didn’t disagree.

I moved from Toronto to Bethany where I currently share a home with friends. Consequently I could no longer see the practitioners that I had been working with.

I received a call from the Movement Disorder Clinic at the Toronto Western Hospital, and was offered an appointment with Dr. Lang.   I had been waiting 2 years for this appointment.   Dr. Lang is purported to be the authority on movement disorders in North America. My GP and the neurologist I was seeing both urged me not to miss this appointment.   The neurologist I’d been seeing didn’t know what to do with me.   Somehow I made it down there.   A dear friend sat with me for 3 hours while I waited to see Dr. Lang at Toronto Western Hospital. One of his interns saw me, and then Dr. Lang came in and confirmed the diagnosis, and said I needed to see a neuro-psychiatrist to deal with the anxiety and breathing difficulties. In addition to the Sinamet which had already been prescribed, they advised me to go on Domperidone, much against my wishes.   The Domperidone was supposed to help with the nausea from the Sinamet by accelerating digestion. I could feel myself being swept along a path that went against everything I believed but I was pretty desperate.

When I saw Dr. Z, the psychiatrist, he observed that I appeared “lost”. I felt lost, like someone or something had robbed me of my soul.   I was in a very dark place.   He gave me a form to fill out before I came to see him and I was shocked to realize just how depressed I was. To his credit, he could see that I did not want to go on any more heavy drugs and he didn’t push me; however, I did start taking Mertazapine a mild anti-depressant that was supposed to help me sleep.   It worked for about two weeks.

Over time the anxiety got worse and worse. My weight dropped from 118 to 98 pounds. I felt like I was going crazy.   I was afraid I was going to wind up in a mental institution. I was in such pain; I completely regressed. I couldn’t reach out to anyone.   I was completely self-absorbed and I felt totally unworthy of being loved.   I was judging all the choices I had made in life.   I felt lonely, cut off, misunderstood and abandoned by God. I felt dead inside, like I was already in the tomb.   I was experiencing what in spiritual literature they call “the dark night of the soul.” What kept me sane was doing jigsaw puzzles and playing scrabble. I was afraid to be left alone. I needed company all the time.

Then Brent told me about a Dr. Bigelson, to whom he had been listening on the radio.   He is a maverick doctor in the US who has some very interesting ideas about the causes of illness and how to heal. One of the things he recommends is live blood analysis.   I contacted him and sent blood samples. We talked on the phone, and he suggested I see a Dr. X, and that was the beginning of the turnaround.

Fifteen months after the initial crisis. Dr. X did some preliminary tests and said that I tested positively for one of the strains of Lyme disease. He recommended further blood tests.   I sent some live blood slides to Igenix.   Much to my surprise the results confirmed Dr. X’s suspicions.   He referred me to a Naturopath who specializes in treating Lyme disease, and who offers Bi-Com treatments. Bi-com is a new energy medicine technology that identifies the viruses, parasites, moulds, co-existent infections and food sensitivities, and then neutralizes them using the Bi Com technology. He also immediately recommended that I stop taking Domperidone and Tecta which I was taking to prevent the nausea from the Sinamet. These meds ruin your digestive system. I was experiencing excruciating stomach pain and could hardly eat. Although they could not find an ulcer when the gastroenterologist did a scope, I was pretty sure I had one. It took a while for me to start feeling that the Bi-com treatments were working, but the alternative would have been to go to the U.S. for extensive antibiotic treatments for the Lyme Disease. Knowing the harm that antibiotics can cause, I certainly didn’t want to go down that road. I continued to suffer from insomnia and anxiety, which resulted in a tightening of my diaphragm, that restricted my breathing.   I started to see a physiotherapist, who recommended I see a local pharmacologist, who specializes in naturals.   I was taking a large number of supplements to manage the anxiety and insomnia and he helped me streamline and eliminate duplications.   He also supplied me with a calming tea, which I drink throughout the day.

Gradually I have been able to reduce the amount of Sinamet from 6 tablets to 1 1/2, and Mirapex from 3 to 2. Instead, I am taking a natural form of Levadopa called Mucuna Pruriens. The dyskenesia has completely disappeared. I am still trying to wean myself off Lorazapam. I also stopped taking Mertazapine because it had stopped working.   In its place Dr. Z. recommend I try St. John’s Wort for depression. The solution to my insomnia has been to take medical marijuana, and Quetiapine. My health has improved dramatically since I have been able to eat and get proper sleep.

This is what I have been doing on a physical level.

I realize now that what made the biggest difference was the shift in my attitude. I came to realize that I didn’t want to die in this anxious state of mind. I was shocked to discover that despite years of psychotherapy I had a cruel, cynical, judging sub-personality that was pretty unforgiving.   I had to learn to forgive and love myself. When I was no longer able to work as a therapist, and was completely absorbed in my illness. I felt my life to be meaningless. I was reminded of the Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl, and his book “Man’s Search For Meaning”. In it he says “…everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way….If there is a meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering. Suffering is an ineradicable part of life, even as fate and death. Without suffering and death, human life cannot be complete.

 “ The way in which a man accepts his fate and all the suffering it entails, the way in which he takes up his cross, gives him ample opportunity – even under the most difficult circumstances – to add a deeper meaning to his life. It may remain brave, dignified and unselfish. Or in the bitter fight for self-preservation he may forget his human dignity and become no more than an animal. Here lies the chance for a man either to make use of or forego the opportunities of attaining the moral values that a difficult situation may afford him. And this decides whether he is worthy of his suffering or not.”

I also read Emmanuel’s Book. Emmanuel is a spiritual being whose teachings were channeled by Pat Rodegast. The book helped to renew my Faith. Thanks to my friends, spiritual guides, and reading Emmanuel’s Book, I was able to experience God/Goddess’s love and the Divine. I stopped experiencing myself as a victim and began to look upon my illness as a process of spiritual purification.   I looked for things for which to be grateful, and instead of isolating myself I began to reach out to those I cared about. I came to realize that through all the love and support of my family, friends and former students, the Divine had been supporting me all the time. I now see my body as my teacher.

Gradually, I am becoming more independent again, taking charge of my life. In the winter and spring of 2015, I started to do watercolour painting, and derived great pleasure from it. I decided to participate in the Rolling Hills studio tour, and I began experimenting with making greeting cards with matching envelopes using gelli pads and acrylics.   Creating beauty brought me great joy. I also started driving again, seeing clients, reaching out to friends, preparing meals for myself and friends and taking pride in my appearance. Knowing how important exercise is in addition to walking, I recently took up yoga which is helping me strengthen my body and improve my balance and posture.

Currently I am reading a book by Norman Doidge called The Brain’s Way of Healing, and I am exploring the neuroplasticity of the brain. The book is inspiring and informative and encourages me to keep searching for a way to heal. I’m hopeful that using new technology called Neuroptimal will improve my sleep, anxiety and tremours.

Finding the path to healing is a very individual matter. I hope that sharing my journey will in some way inspire and encourage you to not just accept the usual, gloomy prognosis but have faith that you can heal and live a full and meaningful life.











Your less evolved areas have a right to be.

They whisper of things past.

They whisper of confusion, of unfulfillment

And of the pain of the soul separated from its God

And the longing for that Oneness again.

Realize that on this earth

There can be only relative perfection.

Realize too that you do not need to be perfect

To be loved. Love each other in you imperfections,

Tenderly and completely. Be gentle with yourselves.

The demand for perfection on the physical plane

Can be your worst enemy.

To insist on perfection precludes growth.

To accept imperfection as part of your humanness

Is to grow.

If you can love the part of you that you think

is imperfect

Then the act of transformation can begin.

When you judge it and throw it out of your heart

It becomes a hardened shell that blocks the Light.

 If you deny what is your nature

You become deeply attached to that denial.

When you accept what is there, in its truth,

Then you are released.

One does not release through rejection.

One releases through love.


To strive for Light is a beautiful calling

But you cannot find the Light

Until you acknowledge the darkness.

Souls who strive in perfect yearning

Are as close to perfection

As anyone in human form can be,

Who you are is a necessary step

To being who you will be, and so it goes

Through eternity.

Be comfortable but not complacent

With your imperfections.

Who demands perfection?

Only souls who are locked in human form

Believe somehow that perfection is the requirement.

It ia not. The requirement is sincerity,

an open heart.

That is the perfection that is demanded –

the perfect longing.

The perfection of the universe

Is an encompassing reality

Around the imperfection

of your human world.


Thanksgiving (Stream of Consciousness)

It’s after 3 0’clock in the morning and I’m unable to sleep for some reason. It may be because I had a bio-com treatment and I’m now detoxing. Who knows. The body is a mystery. But it got me feeling and got me thinking,, and I want to take this opportunity to give thanks because it is Thanksgiving. We should give thanks every day, but this is an opportunity to pay particular attention to the things we are grateful for.

So I’m grateful for my family. Both my biological family and my spiritual family. I want to take this opportunity to thank Lucy and Brent and Stella for weathering this illness with me. I am eternally grateful (tears) . I’m grateful for my caregivers.. I’m grateful for Colleen who has been with me almost since the beginning. (Tears)…, We’ve become friends, we’ve become friends, and we’ve opened our hearts to each other. It took her a little while to trust me but now we’ve built a bond and we have fun together. We’re both Leos and we know how to play. We recently went shopping together in Orillia where I went for a TRE treatment which I’ll tell you about another time. But I want to give thanks to her for supporting me through this ordeal that I’ve been going through – physical and spiritual ordeal. But little by little I’m learning.

I want to give thanks to Nancy who has taken over from my dearest and most helpful friend Anita who is going through her own physical ordeal. But I’ll come to her in a moment. Nancy teaches me about having an iron will, growing a will, an indomitable spirit. She has died twice and come back. She’s had cancer eight times and beaten it. We’re learning from each other and I’m grateful to her for filling in the breach when I lost Anita. There’s a reason for all these things – the people that come into our lives.   So I’m very grateful to Nancy who encourages my independence and supports me at the same time.

And I’m grateful for my dearest Anita who took such good care of me when I needed it. Who helped me gain weight, helped me to heal. She’s so intuitive and she’s so dedicated and I’m so grateful to her for everything she’s done for me. I miss her very much and hope we can work together again. And I’m grateful for her family who is supporting her now as she wrestles with this condition. She is trying to dissolve blockages in her arteries which are 50% blocked. And I wish her well and hope she succeeds so she doesn’t have to go the medical route which is often so invasive.

I’m grateful for the man who owns the wood lot that’s along the fire route in Bethany, On my walks I’ve had the good fortune to wander into that wood, that forest. There is an energy there, a spirit there, and I’m so grateful for that. He’s such a wonderful man and we’ve struck up a friendship. I think his name is Tim, Oh my God I’ve forgotten his name, but he’ll forgive me. I met him and his wife with Anita and Nancy and I met him again. He’s invited me to come into his sanctuary. And I’m so grateful for that.   It’s a connection.   Lulu comes with us. And I’m so grateful for Lulu. She is such a sweet dog. So patient and kind. She’s such a sweetheart who just wants to be loved, just like all of us. And I’m grateful to her. I’m grateful to Nancy and Anita who taught me how to love dogs. How to love lulu. And so does Colleen. All my caregivers love animals and love dogs. All the creatures of this universe. I’m so grateful for the variety and abundance.

I’m so grateful to my parents. I’m so grateful to my father for all he did, for providing me with an inheritance so I can heal myself naturally. (Tears) I’m grateful for Cathy who is in my heart always. I thank her for her kindness. And I thank Byron for his kindness. I don’t know that I would be alive to day if it wasn’t for Byron. He called my sister when I was in trouble because Brent and Lucy and Stella didn’t know what to do. (More tears)   And I’m grateful to all of you who read my blog, who encourage me and support me. My teachers – Suzi, I’m grateful to you for reaching out to me when I was so desperate. I was in despair and you reached out to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And I’m grateful for my godchildren.   I want to try to be an example to all of them. (More tears.) I’m grateful to Patrick for taking care of my condominium and the tennants there.

I’m grateful to my healers – Chakib, Enzo, Ravi-Inder, Dr Krop and all his staff – Johanna, Charlene, Wanda, Maria. All my caregivers. All these people who want to serve. There is so much love in the world. I’m grateful to all of you in my community. All of you who’ve reached out to me. Those who are close and those who are not so close. I’m grateful to my clients because the teach me how to love, how to heal my own anxiety. . All of you who’ve reached out to me. – Deni, Bonnie, Sarah, Robyn, Reggie…I want to live a life of integrity and that means total honesty and nakedness.

I’m grateful to Tara who encourages me in my creative expression, and Lucy and Nancy. They all do everybody does. And the one I’m most grateful for is my dearest sister, Carol. Callie I love you so much. I’m so grateful for you. You love me and I love you. Thank you for keeping me in the family.(Many tears). Thank you, thank you everyone. Thank you God, thank you Divine Mother. Thank you Lucinda, you teach me about prayer. You teach me how to listen to my body. You’ve been a mentor to me on this path that I am walking. Alone and together. God bless you all. Goddess bless us all, Bless us all. Help us Lord.

Oh my God I am here,

Oh my God You are here,

Oh my God we are here,

And always, always you love us.We are held in the arms of the Divine. The benevolent Divine that is teaching me. Thank you for this illness. It is opening my heart and bringing me home.




Trials of Job

If it’s not one thing, it’s another. I had just been weaning myself off lorazapam and had cut my dose by 25%, when I got a bladder infection and a bad case of what I think was poison ivy. My right ear swelled like a cauliflower and broke out in blisters. I had a terrible red rash on my face and my left arm and although I went to emergency hospital in Lindsay, I have been treating both conditions naturopathically and thankfully am doing much better.

It’s been a glorious summer and I’m happy to say I was able to enjoy it.

A few nights ago, I woke at 2:30 and could not get back to sleep. I had the idea that I would like to start a prayer circle. I know that some people would like support in their prayer life, as would I. The group would be non-denominational and the evening would include both silent and spoken prayer. I’d also like to create an opportunity, if the group desired, for family constellation work.

The circle will be held at my home at 5 Christie Rd. , Bethany ON., from 7 p.m. – 9 p.m. Even if you can’t make it, you could pray at home at the same time.  I will hold it on the first  Wednesday evening of each month, starting  October 7th.2015.

Please let me know if you are interested by calling me at 705 277 1881 or emailing me at mjcanes@sympatico.ca. I hope you will join me.

I’d also like to wish all my jewish friends and family Shana tova. Happy New Year! Hope it is a good one for all of us.




It’s getting better all the time….

So much has happened since I last blogged. I spent 4 nights in Bancroft at my retreat cottage. I experienced the delights of shopping, going out for dinner, swimming in the lake. It was wonderful! I even slept well.  I felt almost normal.

Because I managed so well, I decided to start weaning myself off Lorazapam. The neuro-psychiatrist recommended it.   It has been challenging. I am shaking quite a bit more, but I’m sure I’ll figure it out soon enough. I’m taking an extra L-Tryptophane to help calm me down. I do get despondent at times. I am definitely having to learn patience.

Last night I was up till midnight. Stella, my godchild , and I were celebrating our birthdays. I’m on the 11th and she’s on the 12th of August. We had about 14 people and I did quite a lot of the preparation for it – yummy salads, salmon and spare ribs, This is a step forward for me. A year ago, I would not have been able to do it.

I love having guests over. On Monday my friend Pat, one of my oldest friends came with her daughter. It was so delightful to catch up. Hard to believe that Kerri is 38 now. Sarah and Ted popped in on their way wo their cottage.

Tomorrow I go to see Dr. Krop. We are finished all the Lyme treatments. I am now Lyme free. I am being tested now for parasites. Let’s hope I don’t have too many.

Here is a picture of my 3 godchildren – Riley, Stella and Holden.  They’re all great kids.



Progress Report


A few days ago I sat down to blog and I couldn’t think of anything to say. Today, however, I am full of words..

There are at least three things I want to write about.

Firstly, I’ve been feeling so much better. Some days, like yesterday, I felt almost completely normal. I’ve been experimenting with adjusting my meds. I’ve now reduced the Sinamet from five and a half pills a day to just one and a half, thanks to Mucana Puriens – a velvet bean that has been used for milenia in the East – India and China.

Last Friday I had my last Lyme treatment.   Now we are going after parasites. Apparently, I am going to be tested for 200 parasites.

Secondly, I’ve been exploring the region around Bethany. I’ve visited several quaint, small towns – Port Hope, Cobourg, Burleigh Falls (on the way to Bancroft) wheere I visited the Gallery on the Lake in Buckhorn. I was blown away by the architecture and the art, including paintings in oil, acrylic and watercolour, ceramics, blown glass, wood-turning, silk embroidery and jewellery. It was humbling and inspiring. I’m such a beginner!!!

Thirdly, I can feel the rebirth. I’m feeling well enough to the point that I think I might even be able to attend a retreat. I’ve been reading Byron Katie’s book “Loving What Is”, thanks to Mara Young who recommended her to me. She works with a method of inquiry using four questions. We are continually making up stories about ourselves and others. Katie encourages us to examine our beliefs. She is not telling me anything I didn’t already know. She has just boiled things down to four questions:

  1. Is this story you’re telling the Truth
  2. Can I be certain that it is true?
  3. How do I react when I believe that the story is true?
  4. who would I be without this thinking/story?
  5. The Turn around – This is about owning our projections. Sometimes turning statements 180 degrees. E.g. Jane should listen to me “ This could change to “I should listen to Jane” or “I should listen to myself.”

I’ve been experimenting with this process and I think it is helping me to shift to a happier, more loving frame of mind.

Thanks to all for your continued support and prayers.

Here’s a recent photo.
photo 2_2

Love Moira